Page Index: Aerophobia/aviophobia. Arachnophobia/Fear of Spiders. Child Sexual Abuse. DP/DR. Depersonalisation & Derealisation. Dating. School Bullying. Self Hate. Study Tips. Therapists. Trichotillomania. Weight Loss. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aviophobia/aerophobia: It may be related to stress, panic, or anxiety, so check out those topics at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/1.h… and pages i, & h. Learn, and practise the EFT. It is free via the searchbar at www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" or www.emofree.com Professional is best. - There is a version for use in public places, (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have aviophobia, I deeply and completely accept myself."
View: http://travel.qandas.com/flights/what-is… Book an aisle seat, early, and warn the flight attendant of your aerophobia. Read an interesting book, or play an electronic game at takeoff, and landing, or listen to music/wear an eye covering, or wraparound sunglasses sprayed black on the inside. One approach is to find a clinical psychologist who deals with phobia. Google: "clinical psychologists; (your location)" Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ & http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites. Learn about flying, and its safety, compared with the much more dangerous road travel, with so many people carrying permanent "sleep deficits" these days, resulting in microsleeps. NeuroLinguistic Programming may be effective. It is important, however, to address the cause of the problem, rather than just the symptom, or it may manifest again in a different form.
Most people are suggestible, to some extent, so consider professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along those lines are at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/p.html on aviophobia. There are medications which can help, such as benzodiazapenes, like Xanax, Klonopin, or Valium which are addictive, with very long weaning off periods, so use them rarely. Some people prefer drinking cooled, bottled chamomile tea (no milk) an hour beforehand, but the restrictions on taking liquids aboard stop the possibility of using it before landing. Avoid alcohol, when flying, and drink plenty of water. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ARACHNOPHOBIA: Fear of spiders: Treatment of many phobias using systematic desensitisation therapy has been demonstrated to be effective. It is always best to use a professional therapist, and clinical psychologists are a good choice, since they tend to rely less on the use of medication, except possibly in the early stages, in their more extreme cases. If you are unable to access the services of a professional, or need a quick result, you can try the following. You may wish to have something to help relax you, first. Short term only, try valerian root, (some people experience "valerian hangovers") or Tension Tamer, (supermarket tea/health food aisles) or chamomile tea. View: http://altmedicine.about.com/od/herbsupp… Once you feel it starting to become effective, look fleetingly, at a picture (it can be an illustration, drawing, photograph, or Google an image of it; for example: enter "spider; photo" in the searchbar) of the thing which causes your phobia, from a distance. Then look away, and observe how you feel. Uncomfortable? Afraid? Abject terror? Let that feeling subside. You survived that, didn't you? Next, (these steps need not all be done on the one day, depending on how well you respond, but I wouldn't leave any gaps, returning to it on the next day) look at it from the same distance, but longer. Next, focus intently on it. Always expect to experience some level of discomfort, as you follow these steps, but the idea is to gradually become used to that stimulus, and the knowledge that you have survived the previous steps helps give you the confidence to tackle the next one. Then, approach the image/picture a little closer. Next, closer still, until you are within an arm's length. Then reach out toward it, and, if feeling confident enough, possibly touch it lightly, and quickly. Next, touch it longer, and from closer up. Then look at a real version of it, from a distance. It can be small, or artificial, or both.
Next, approach it from closer up. Then touch it. Then leave your hand on it, or pick it up, and look at it. Then, according to what it actually is, you may need to go to where you can expose yourself to the real thing, in relative safety. Once again; view from a distance, then approach closer. Then as close as you can safely get, yet still reach out and attempt to touch it; just ensure you remain within the limits of safety (allow yourself to be guided in this by other, more experienced people). You can do any, or all of these in the company of a trusted friend, or family member, but if you do this, you will have to do it all over again, alone, because they won't always be there, and you need to develop your competence in such situations. The same thing applies with the use of anxiolytics, either herbal, O.T.C., or prescription. Alone, and unaided! Most people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or, quicker, cheaper, and more conveniently: or enter your particular phobia in the searchbar, at http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/ Spider Phobia Cure Hypnosis Download. At: instant-hypnosis.com/ there is: Fear of Spiders, Fear of Bugs, & Release Any Fear, and at hypnotictapes.com/ there is: SPIDERS, OVERCOME FEAR OF (Arachnophobia), and at: asktheinternettherapist.com/ - "Stop Fears and Phobias" CD - MP3. You could get a fake spider from a toy store (brown paper bag; open when ready). Repeat the above steps: distance, closer, then touch. Then suspend it slightly above a flat surface from a piece of "invisible" sewing thread, or thin cotton thread, and direct a hair dryer, vacuum cleaner exhaust, or fan on it, because REAL spiders often move. UNEXPECTEDLY! I quickly invert a glass jar over mine, then carefully, slowly slide a THIN piece of rigid cardboard underneath, forcing it on top, and sealing it in; then I carefully invert it, so the cardboard acts as a lid; hold it down with one hand, and WALK it some distance away, and release.
Try practicing this. Others prefer to dispatch them immediately, with a shoe, or rolled up newspaper, etc., but spiders are afraid of humans, and will try to flee, if given an opportunity (as long as they perceive you). They only bite us when they are attacked, or feel threatened. If it weren't for spiders, we would be overrun with insects. There are very few species which are deadly. Find out which ones, if any, those are, in your area. Google: "dangerous spiders; (your location); picture", or call the zoo. I ALWAYS kill these (they might kill someone else, otherwise, and capture is riskier than killing). The final step is with a real spider. Decide beforehand on your general approach, but be prepared to vary it according to the species; perhaps watch someone else do it, at first. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Child Sexual Abuse: A previous answer follows, modified for you: One suggestion is to write a letter, expressing how it has affected your life, and what you would like to see happen about it now, then either post it, unaddressed, or have a ceremony, and burn it safely, in a metal container, and flush the ashes down the toilet, symbolically ending the matter. Check out: http://www.brokenspirits.com/ & www.rainn.org/ & http://www.aftersilence.org & www.pandys.org/ & http://www.essortment.com/all/borderlineperso_rnmc.htm Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which communication with your subconscious mind is facilitated. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could preferably seek professional hypnotherapy. If not an option, hypnosisdownloads has ones on overcoming a troubled childhood & escape emotional abuse, and/or asktheinternettherapist.com has one on re-parenting your inner child, and/or instant-hypnosis.com has one on dealing with child abuse. If the above proves insufficient, I suggest that you seek psychotherapy, and a course of EMDR therapy, (* http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/q.html ) would probably reduce the negative emotions associated with your memories of abuse to more acceptable levels - the EMDR to reduce the negative, combined with the other techniques shown may be all you need, enabling you to avoid psychotherapy (open ended; can take years, cost a small fortune, and achieve little, depending on the therapist, and client). Try the relaxation methods at http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-… or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody… or www.wikihow.com/Meditate and/or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Also page L at this site*, where there are several to choose from.
Some people are still dismissive of them, but scientific testing has demonstrated conclusively that they increase activity in the left prefrontal cortex, when practised regularly, and will enable you to find a way of being; awareness, without suffering, when you need it, and is a valuable tool for helping you through the worst parts of life. Give the acupressure EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at ** www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists", or www.tapping.com (13 free videos) or, if still available, the free video for PTSD at www.emofree.com Professional EFT is always preferable. - There is a version for use in public places**, (you could claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage/tapping your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I suffer the aftereffects of child sexual abuse, I deeply and completely accept myself." ABUSE: See http://www.drdrew.com/ on abuse & http://www.burstingthebubble.com/ & http://www.reachout.com.au/home.asp At the end of therapy, discuss the importance of (sincere) forgiveness; to not do so is to hold onto the hurt, but you may not be ready for this step for some time. Read: Courage to Heal by Paul Bernstein, and Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse Workbook: Practical Exercises For Working On Problems Resulting From Childhood Abuse by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon, & My Journey: Experiencing the Abuse, Navigating the Aftermath, Finding Hope and Healing by SC W, & Surviving & Moving On: Self-help for Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Kim McGregor, & The Courage to Heal Workbook: A Guide for Women and Men Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse by Laura Davis, &
From Surviving to Thriving: A Therapist's Guide to Stage II Recovery for Survivors of Childhood Abuse by Mary Bratton, & Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Ann McMurray and Gregory Jantz, Ph.D., & Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, & The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini and Pia Mackenzie, & Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon, & "Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve” by Lewis B. Smedes., (getting through your fear of forgiveness) & It's Never Too Late to Be Happy!: Reparenting Yourself for Happiness (The Best Half of Life) by Muriel James, from your bookstore, or amazon.com. ~~~ http://vaonlinesupport.org/support.html
Advice from other therapists, and sufferers: When affected, run your hands under cold water for several minutes. Adapt the following to your situation: Look around and find 5 colours; feel 4 different textures; smell 3 different odours, and taste 2 different things. Focus on your hands for several minutes, multiple times daily. Try snapping a rubber band on your wrist, lightly, at first, then increasingly harder; remove afterwards, and pocket.
Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" or www.tapping.com (13 free videos). Professional is best. - There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage/tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: [repeating to yourself in your mind] ) "Even though I sometimes suffer from depersonalization/derealization, I deeply and completely accept myself". Use the PMR, at http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html
DP/DR often results from anxiety/panic attacks, so if this applies in your case, see http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/1.html about anxiety, and/or panic, then pages h, & i. Neo-Reichian therapy has been recommended for DP/DR, but I suggest using the above treatments for at least several weeks, as they may well be all that are required. Also view http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization but TMS (radiation exposure) and naloxone (see www.drugs.com ) should be kept in reserve, due to their relative risks.
Google DP/DR chat sites & forums, such as www.anxietyzone.com & http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum and ask what worked for them, such as: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/20892-the-holy-grail-of-curing-dpdr/ I suggest minimising, or avoiding fluorescent lights when reasonably possible; check out: http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&source=hp&biw=1899&bih=888&q=depersonalization+%2B+derealization%3B+fluorescent+lighting&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq= ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DATING: Free advice, and a much larger range of websites than are permitted to be posted here, may be found at * http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/e.html View http://www.lovesystems.com/Check out the extensive free email material De Angelo* offers, and only then make your decision on the next logical step, of the 3 choices available, or just opt out; you know your personal circumstances best. Then, in your position, I'd first take an escort out to a meal at a restaurant. Ask her how she, and other women would like to be approached. What subjects to talk with women about, and what to avoid. Where to go. (Coffee involves little pressure, or committment, and you can often learn a lot in a short time about whether a relationship with that person is worth pursuing). Maybe a movie next time, or a meal. I'd go on these "dry runs" at least 2, or 3 times. Expect many rejections; adopt De Angelo's approach, though, and go out with the sole purpose of approaching at least a dozen women, and saying, "Hi, my name's ?????, and I'm out tonight meeting new people, and I thought you looked interesting, and attractive. What should I call you?" Ask her about her interests, and any other good places to go, nearby. Later in the conversation, ask for her email address, and give her a notepad, and pen; have no expectations - just see what happens. Regard it as an opportunity to learn, and develop, or hone your social skills, not as a test you can fail. Always keep in mind that, even if you have a low success rate, at first, by approaching a largish number of the opposite gender, you will almost certainly have some successes. 3% of 60 = 2. As you learn, your skills will improve, and your success rate increase. You may wish to have something to calm your nerves.
Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer", herbal tea, by Celestial Seasonings, (from supermarket tea, or health food aisles) or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed, beginning an hour beforehand (I find it so strong tasting, that I need to drink it quickly, followed by something like fruit juice, to take away the taste, but others may find it more tolerable). C(h)amomile, or peppermint tea is a more palatable option. Herbal remedies, such as valerian, are often effective, but know how it affects you, first, especially if driving. Avoid overuse of alcohol: it is counterproductive. 1 - 2 drinks, at most! (not beer, because beer breath is a potential turnoff). There are many internet chatrooms where you can develop online skills, but these often don't translate well in real life situations. Phone calls are a good next step. Then coffee. Speed dating is an option for later, once you have developed your skillset. If you aren't sexually experienced, this can be a big hurdle, later on. One option is to get some experience with those who do it professionally, regard it as a form of therapy, perhaps, or just a bit of fun, but try to learn about how to satisfy a woman. http://www.askemilyanything and Y!A womens section, and books.
Many girls and young women have unrealistic expectations about relationships, and superficial attraction is more important to them, right now. Later they often find that the good looking, "bad boy" types that they perceive as strong, just don't cut it when it comes to long tem relationships. Ensure you don't give them the wrong impression; that of being nice, but needy; someone they can take advantage of. Studying, and knowledge won't impress most! Work on conversational skills, and body language. Learn to not take rejection personally. Consider undergoing a "rite of passage", as shown, but check out the opinions of previous users. Things will change, as girls become women, and not so picky. Be in a position where you maximise your chances of selecting from several, then. Projecting an image is fine, but must be backed with substance. Read newspapers, and YOUR YAHOO: Reuters: ODDLY ENOUGH, and make written notes, and memorise a few; have more on scaps of paper, and read in the men's room.
For example: "What do you think about the cat that regularly gets on a bus by itself, and gets off at the next stop?" Or "Desmond Morris, who wrote the bestseller: 'The naked ape' tells in 'Watching' the story of Chumley, the tame chimpanzee, who was brought up as a human, later being accepted at London Zoo, where he escaped, and got on a bus, and sat in a seat next to a woman, who freaked! He got out, but they eventually cornered him, and shot him dead!" Also, movies, music, and other live shows around, or coming. Embarrassing moments, eccentric relatives, lucky, and bad experiences, dates gone wrong, good places to go, their and your future plans, etc. Some people are just more socially gifted than others, but you can work on being interesting, and have a few jokes you can tell, (there are many websites on these; keep them clean) so you can pull one out of the hat, occasionally, when the time is right. Practise delivery in front of a mirror first, then to family. The following came from another contributor, who may not be here to answer your question, so, if s/he can prove it, and you like it, give them "best answer". ~~~
"It is always nice to have a good joke to tell, so write some down so you don't forget the punch line. Polls and surveys has a lot of fun questions, so make a list of those so you have something to ask when the conversation stalls. Where’s the last place you would want to be seen? What scares you the most? Scariest/weirdest dream you ever had? If you could reverse time, what would you do differently? What’s going through your mind right now? Tell me something fun about yourself? What’s the best dream you ever had? What makes you happy? Do you ever get a song stuck in your head? What song? How has the recession affected you, your family? Tell me about a personal experience in your life? How many countries have you been to? What was your favorite one? What is your favorite kind of food, Italian, Chinese, French, Mexican….? What is your favorite movie, song, book? When have you felt the most lost? What was your favorite pet? What is the most expensive/strangest thing you ever bought? Where’s the strangest place you ever fell asleep? What is the longest amount of time you ever stayed awake, and for what reason? Have you ever done anything on a dare? Have you ever walked into the wrong public restroom? If you could teach the world to sing, what song would you choose? If you were born the opposite sex, what would you have been named. What is a gift you wish you were born with? What's an assumption people make about you , that couldn't be more wrong? If you could only hear one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose? What did you love to do when you were a child, that you stopped doing when you grew up? Name something you learned not to do, only after you did it." ~~~
And mine: "Do you have any eccentric relatives?" "I had ... " "What is the strangest/most dangerous thing that happened to you?" Google: "jokes" select some funny, but clean ones; memorise a few (practise delivery in a mirror) and record some on bits of paper, and read them in a toilet break, to refresh your memory. Sex: Always ask what they like, and what they don't, and allow PLENTY of foreplay, allowing them let you know when they're ready, or waiting for at least 15 minutes. Many women these days have certain minimal requirements of potential boyfriends, such as: 1) A place of his own. 2) Full time employment. 3) No drug problem. Having a car can help, in some places. Be cocky, and funny too, if possible. Don't appear to be needy; it's a turnoff, as is a lack of confidence (see page 1, at Weebly, about self confidence). ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EMETOPHOBIA: Fear of vomit(ing)/throwing up, is the 7th most common of the phobias.
Find a clinical psychologist who deals with phobia. Google: "clinical psychologists; (your location)" Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ & http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites. Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-… or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody… or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) on page L, at Weebly. Tai Chi, regular yoga, or Qi Gong, suits others better. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" or www.tapping.com (13 free videos). - There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have emetophobia, I deeply and completely accept myself".
These will enable you to emotionally centre yourself, when practiced regularly, and can also help you become a calmer, more self controlled person, who is less subject to fears and phobias. Hypnotherapy, or NeuroLinguistic Programming may be effective. It is important, however, to address the cause of the problem, rather than just the symptom, or it may manifest again in a different form. Most people are suggestible, to some extent, so consider professional hypnotherapy, or more along those lines is on page P, at Weebly http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com has: perfect partners: fear of vomiting + keep a cool head, or http://www.instant-hypnosis.com has: fear of vomiting, or (free) at: www.freehypnosistreatment.com - anxiety
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LONELINESS: See: http://webofloneliness.com/ Join mutual interest groups, clubs, associations, sports, gym, & take up classes in yoga, t'ai chi, Pilates, art, self defence, aerobics, creative writing, or ceramics, etc. Consider volunteering*, even from home, at first, as a means of changing your focus from your feelings of loneliness, and will help stop useless introspection. See http://www.wikihow.com/Special:GoogSearch?cx=016562026678751929112%3Aohfdgqnedms&cof=FORID%3A10&ie=UTF-8&q=making+friends#1298 about making friends, being popular, and what to talk about, or avoid, in the Wikihow articles.
Approach people with sensible questions, and find out what they're like, and, for example: "What sort of things are you interested in, Obediah? I like archery, and train spotting, but have recently learned not to combine the two." Next: "I'm from Umbakumba, in Australia, Obediah, Where are you from, originally?" (BTW, It's a real place). On volunteering outside the home, you will come into contact with supportive people, and receive positive feedback for your efforts, which will be obviously appreciated, and it will give added purpose and meaning to your life, as well as helping others.
It can also be an indication of the presence of depression, or dysthymia, and there is a quiz for this at http://psychcentral.com/depquiz.htm If indicated, make a doctor's appointment, to eliminate medical causes, such as thyroid problems, or deficiencies in vitamin D3, magnesium, potassium, or calcium, etc. View http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/1.html and page B* re depression treatments, and volunteering. Also try http://dailystrength.org for a forum, and http://www.meditainment.com/shop/index.cfm?downloadsNavID=200 has one about overcoming feelings of loneliness. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SCHOOL BULLYING: Preventing or stopping school bullying can be difficult, especially if adults do not take it seriously. Bullying usually requires an adult to intervene. The victim should understand that it is not his or her fault that he or she is being bullied. Teens who are bullied should:
Tell an adult exactly what is happening and how they feel about it Try to be with a friend or a group of friends when the bullies are around; bullies usually leave groups of people alone Not let the bully make them angry; bullies often want a reaction. If it feels safe, calmly telling the bully to stop and walking away may discourage some bullies. Never react with violence or by bullying back; this usually makes the problem worse.
Ignore or block any electronic messages sent by a bully; consider only opening messages from people you know. If you do read a bullying message, you may want to keep a copy of it to show to an adult so they know what’s going on. Get involved in school activities or clubs that are a positive environment Remember that it’s not your fault you’re being bullied and that everyone has the right to feel safe and enjoy school Parents can help their children by taking the time to talk to them every day for at least fifteen minutes. Parents should listen to what their child has to say, and take school bullying seriously if it is occurring. They should not encourage the teen to fight the bully or try to work it out with the bully; instead, adults should try to help the bully and the victim separately.
If a teen has a friend who is being bullied they can help by being there for the friend, not letting the friend be alone around the bully, and, if it is safe, telling the bully to stop. If the bullying continues, they should tell an adult who will listen to them.
Teens who have been bullies or the victims of school bullying should talk to a counselor or other professional to receive help coping with the effects of bullying. ~~~ http://www.teenviolencestatistics.com/content/school-bullying.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SELF HATE: Firstly, dispense with your self limiting belief system, and recognise that you are allowing the negative side of your mind to hold you back from progress in these areas. Re-program your emotional responses. Hate is a strong term; reduce it to: "I dislike myself, and my life, at present". This allows for the possibility of change. Realise, and accept that YOU are the one who programmed your mind, and that YOU have the ability to re-program it. When you notice something negative, such as: "I'm never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so pathetic/useless/such a loser?" or even: "I can't do this/will never get over this!", or a disturbing image, recognise that this is part of the mindset which will hold you back from progress. Having identified and labelled it, visualise a large red "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick", instead of "tactic". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Recognise, and challenge your negative monologue (self talk).
Make a conscious commitment to being positive, and optimistic, even if it is apparently unrealistic, or inappropriate, because of the benefits it will provide, later on. WORK, to change yourself into someone you can think much better of. See page B at Weebly.com, below, and volunteer, even from home, at first, to provide a solid basis in reality for the daily affirmations: "I am a good person, who is valued by my community, because I (insert activity here)". As one insightful (paraphrasing poetically) person put it: an affirmation, without foundation is mere mental masturbation; also read the post on self esteem, below, about creating a firm foundation for building self esteem. Make a list of all your good points, strengths, and achievements. Put it somewhere so you can easily refer to it, from time to time; perhaps on the refrigerator door, or print it; (large typeface, or capitalise) have it framed, and place in your bedroom, or in a position of prominence, such as on the television, or lounge room wall. Read: "Compassion and Self Hate: An Alternative to Despair", by Theodore I. Rubin, and "There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate", by Cheri Huber and June Shiver, and "Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior", by Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg, and "Mom, I Hate My Life!": Becoming Your Daughter's Ally Through the Emotional Ups and Downs of Adolescence (A Hand-in-Hand Book) by Sharon Hersh, and "Lift your mood now." by John D Preston, Psy.D. 2001, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 5674 Shattuck Avenue, Oakland. CA 94609, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com
LOVING YOURSELF: Read: Learning to Love Yourself Workbook by Gay Hendricks, & Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You by Daphne Rose Kingma, & Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, from your bookstore, or amazon.com View the post about self esteem on page 1 at Weebly.
Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has: Feel Attractive Now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ STUDY TIPS: Rewrite notes soon afterwards in different words. Revise the next day, week, month, and before exams, to ensure they stick in your mind. Join, or start study groups. Having a good, or at least, a well ordered memory makes study much easier, and less frustrating, so if yours needs improving, use the methods shown on page G at Weebly, below. View: http://www.how-to-study.com/ & http://www.studytips.org/ & http://www.studygs.net/ Start homework, study, or revision on getting home, and do 20 mns, then have a 5 mn break, then do another 20, and so on. It's a good idea to know your learning style, and adapt accordingly; see http://www.learning-styles-online.com/ & http://www.vark-learn.com/english/page.asp?p=questionnaire Exams: Don't cram at the expense of sleep! Read the question quickly, THEN RE-READ IT, carefully; ensure you know EXACTLY what the examiner is asking for. Arrive early. Bring spare pens, pencils, batteries (or ensure fully charged). Note the number of marks for any question, and apportion your allocated time accordingly. I used to "race through", doing what I really knew first, then focus on the "iffy" stuff, leaving the "without much of a clue" stuff until last. Ensure your bladder is empty, immediately beforehand. Take at least 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, or the recommended dose of a high quality fish oil daily, like Carlsons or Melrose (certified free of mercury) it is best if consumed with an antioxidant, such as an orange, or its FRESHLY SQUEEZED juice. If vitamin E is added, it should be certified as being 100% from natural sources, or it may be synthetic: avoid it!
Females may benefit by balancing the DHA, & EPA versions of Omega 3 in fish, or krill oil* with ALA flaxseed oil Omega 3, or at least one heaped tablespoonful of ground flaxseed, daily. Dr. Mercola rates "krill oil" much higher than fish oil, because it is far less easily oxidised, so you may want to check this out for yourself through the searchbar at mercola.com Vegetarians & vegans: Google: "Omega 3; algae; supplies" and use it with flaxseed. Alternatively, you could go to the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com and enter: "krill oil". While you are there, enter "nutritional type", (for their book) or http://www.naturalhealthcoach.com/tools/ (free online quiz) and eat more in accordance with yours. Exercise moderately, for 30 - 60 mns, daily. The supplements, DHEA & Phosphatidyl Serine are some that I have been informed are worth trying. Ginkgo biloba is often recommended, but has mixed reviews, so check the comparative strength, and buy from a health food, or vitamin store; ask what feedback they have been getting, and what else they suggest (write down, and check them out, later, through Google, WebFerret, or your search engine, before buying). Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, more along such lines is at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/p.html where this came from.
Lecithin* (phosphatidyl choline). A phospholipid found mostly in high-fat foods. It is said to have the ability to improve memory and brain processes. Lecithin is necessary for normal brain development. Lecithin capsules are available, but many people prefer the soft lecithin granules. These are a nice addition to fruit juice smoothies, adding a thicker texture. Lecithin is oil-based, and it gets rancid easily. It should be refrigerated (from health food stores). *Note: Dr. Mercola at www.mercola.com asserts that krill oil is superior to standard Omega 3 fish oil, or that, at least the brands he recommends are, and I am persuaded that he is probably correct. See: FISH OR KRILL OIL? IS KRILL OIL 48x BETTER THAN FISH OIL? via the Mercola.com searchbar.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THERAPISTS: It depends to a certain extent on what your tentative diagnosis is: people with Borderline Personality Disorder, for example, need to be challenged from time to time, by therapists using DBT. A good therapist will get you to examine the appropriateness of your actions, or thought patterns, and offer the occasional suggestion. Some therapists, however, work from an "I know best" basis, and, even though they may actually do know best, their approach often isn't as conducive to progress as others, who take more of a middle position. On the other hand, there are those who try to be your friend, when what you really need is expert help. I suggest that you try at least 3 new therapists, and initially select one you feel most comfortable with, because a good degree of rapport (which takes time to build) can help a lot, with therapy. Closely examine the http://1-800-therapist.com/ and http://www.metanoia.org/choose/ websites, and use the locators at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/index.html (and phone book, but only if necessary). Personally, I'd opt for a psychologist who believes in only recommending minimal necessary medication, if at all, because they don't issue prescriptions, so are considerably less likely to be influenced by the sales reps of the drug companies, who profile them psychologically, and study their prescribing record, then offer rewards, freebies, courses, payments to lecture; even attendance fees to view lectures. View: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articl… and http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articl… It's important to not only feel comfortable with your therapist, but also to know about their qualifications, and the type of therapy used. Some people are in therapy for many years, and pay a small fortune in fees, so recognise that therapists may have a vested interest in keeping their patients coming back. It pays the rent, and permits them to feel that they are fulfilling a useful function in life.
For this reason, I believe that, unless there is a need for a specific type of therapy, such as Dialectical Behavio(u)ral Therapy, for Borderline Personality Disorder, or EMDR therapy, for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or ongoing support, in the case of people with bipolar disorder, who find they function best this way, it is a good idea to start out with a psychologist who uses Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy (depressed people may do better with counselling, or psychotherapy, for a while, before CBT). It often can accomplish all it is capable of, in less than 6 months, and to fix that time limit in the first session. In that way, the therapist knows that there is only a limited window of opportuntiy to do what they can, and there is no unconscious motivation to attempt to draw things out. If, at the end of that time, you believe you could benefit from a little more therapy, then you can extend it, but I'd advise the therapist a few weeks before the final session, in case they are considering taking on a new patient, leaving you "high, and dry" committed, and without options, except to find someone else. Learn to assess, and rate your therapist, after a while: sometimes it's better to move on, and find someone who you feel can help you more, but not if you've just reached an unpleasant part of the therapy, which part of you would rather avoid. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Trichotillomania: It is classified under Impulse Control Disorders 312.39 in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual IV-Revised, but also view 300.3 about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, although it may well be a distinction without a difference, at least for the purposes of the treatments I recommend. It usually occurs as a result of anxiety, or stress, and may be considered as a type of coping, or avoiding mechanism. View http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/1.html about OCD, anxiety, and stress, then pages f, i, and m; see the SJW, & HYPERICUM websites on page b about St. John's Wort, (preferably use a German variety; local ones may vary in efficacy - take with a meal; it usually takes at least 2, and up to 6 weeks, to begin reaching maximum effectiveness) which is believed to act by increasing the availability of the neurotransmitters; serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, moderately, rather than selectively giving the serotonin levels of the brain a large boost, as with antidepressants. Jarsin, Perika, and Kira brands have been recommended. S.J.W. may reduce your vitamin D3 levels; most people are deficient in it. See http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/12/16/my-one-hour-vitamin-d-lecture-to-clear-up-all-your-confusion-on-this-vital-nutrient.aspx Check out: http://www.foodforthebrain.org/content.a… and Google: "anxiety; 5-htp" articles. Also consider trying inositol - (it's actually one of the B group vitamins, so you could also combine it with the wort, and possibly a low dosage of 5-htp [no more than 50mg daily] ). Use a form of occupational therapy, to keep your mind busy. Another suggestion, for when you catch yourself doing this. Carry a wide rubber band in your pocket: put it on your wrist; stretch, and release, as a means of reinforcing it, and speeding up the process, re-pocketing it afterwards, but I regard this as being purely optional. A support group is at: http://anxiety.wegohealth.com/ocd-support-group/trichotillomania/comments.html and also try: http://dailystrength.org
Cut your hair very short, and wear a wig for a while; then you would only be pulling the wig, while your hair regrows, and you unlearn the habit. Trichotillomania is a habit, which can be unlearned, preferably by replacing it with another, such as worry beads, or a stress ball, EFT*, etc. This may take 30 - 40 repetitions, to establish. Wear a bandanna to sleep, and put band aids on your finger & thumb. Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-… or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody… or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) on page L, at Weebly. Tai Chi, regular yoga, or Qi Gong, suits others better. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" - There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I pull my hair/eyelashes out, I deeply and completely accept myself". The acupressure technique can also be used to replace the hair pulling, (and there is a variation for use in public places, for which you can reasonably claim to have a headache) so give it a good tryout. Professional EFT is always preferable. Try to find a therapist who uses Habit Reversal Training. Google: "Clinical psychologists; (your city); (your state)" Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has some via their searchbar about hair or eyelash pulling, and controlling impulses.
View http://www.hairboutique.com/tips/tip570.htm Read: The Hair-Pulling Problem: A Complete Guide to Trichotillomania by Fred Penzel, & Stay Out of My Hair by Suzanne Mouton-Odum and Ruth Golomb, & Treating Trichotillomania: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Hairpulling and Related Problems by Martin E. Franklin and David F. Tolin, & Trichotillomania: An ACT-enhanced Behavior Therapy Approach Therapist Guide (Treatments That Work) by Douglas W. Woods and Michael P Twohig, & The Hair-Pulling Problem: A Complete Guide to Trichotillomania," Oxford University Press, 2003. You can find out more about it at: www.trichbook.com Try the searchbar at Amazon for more media. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WEIGHT LOSS: Understand and accept that many people use food in an attempt to fill an emotional void, which is unhealthy, and never works, in the long term. Use the relaxation methods at http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm or www.wikihow.com/Meditate and/or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Also pages L, & B, a your-mental-health.8m.com where there are several to choose from. Some people are still dismissive of them, but scientific testing has demonstrated conclusively that they increase activity in the left prefrontal cortex, when practised regularly, and will enable you to find a way of being; awareness, without suffering, when you need it, and is a valuable means of helping you through the worst parts of life. Others eat out of boredom, so have plenty of things to keep you occupied. You can eat a LOT, yet still lose weight, and have a LITTLE of your favorites every day, to prevent cravings, by consuming mostly low energy foods, such as cucumber, tomato, capsicum/bell peppers, celery, onion slices pickled in vinegar, grated carrot, cabbage, spinach, asparagus, watercress, alfalfa, bamboo shoots, bean sprouts, capers, a few olives, etc., with some lean protein, to delay the emptying of your stomach. Have a large glass of water 20 mns before eating. If you don't drink enough water, you won't lose weight as quickly! To increase your metabolic rate, drink 4 x 250 ml glasses (US 32 fluid oz) of cold water on arising. If you don't eat something within 30 mns, your body responds by slowing your metabolism.
Also see http://www.everydayhealth.com/weight/boosting-metabolism-with-mini-meals.aspx One of the tips I got through www.mercola.com is to stir half a teaspoonful of hot paprika, or chilli powder, into a glass of water, and drink it just before eating, and you will eat less, as a result. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has several about weight loss. More is at: http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/n.html where this came from. A study has shown that people who drink 3 - 5 cups of green tea daily lose a significant amount of weight in a matter of months. I have shed around 70 lbs, using the tips shown, 20 mns of daily walking, and Hoodia Gordonii (Google supplies; mine come from New Zealand). Note that a lot of product is the wrong species of Hoodia, or there is too little to be effective. If in doubt, feel free to email me for my supplier. I prefer boiled/steamed vegetables, with some legumes and fish, most days. Check out: http://emotionalhealth.ivillage.com/... and www.eating-disorder-research.com/ and